Friday, April 18, 2008

Home is where the heart is, or so I hear.

When Aaron and I married a little over 16 years ago we made a big move from California to Utah. I left all my friends and family behind to start a new life and a new family. Almost immediately I was sooo homesick! I missed my parents, my friends, my nanny kids (I was a nanny when Aaron and I married), and most surprisingly I missed my sister terribly!! Jenny and I had fought so much during our growing up years that I had no idea how much I really loved her....it seems funny to say that now...I just love her so much! I think the most frustrating thing about this time was how much my husband did not understand this. He did not have any homesickness. He can be happy wherever he is, this is NOT something we have in common. Time went by and first my brother and sister in law moved to Utah from California and I had a new wonderful friend and sister in Michelle....we were pregnant with our first babies together......we became each others ally in the Schafer brother kingdom. She is such a wonderful person and even though we've had our rough spots, I know we will always be sisters and friends. My sister, Jenny eventually missed me so much she moved to Utah. I missed her more than she missed me, I think, and she just moved because I begged her to. We lived in Salt Lake area for 14 years and during that time we had many wonderful moments along with many trials. I had so many good friends that I still have today. Right after the birth of our sixth baby we moved to St George, Utah. Oh, how homesick I was!! I missed my family and friends more than I felt I could bear at times. I made so many trips up there that a four hour drive began to feel normal to me. Then when I finally felt like I could begin to have a life again, we moved once again....this time to far far away Nebraska. Although I felt so happy for my husband...(he was promoted).....I was nervous. We got here and I felt fine. I didn't feel homesick! I felt welcome in our new ward and started making friends right away (something that didn't happen in St George for many months). My kids were adjusting well, except for Matthew but that's another story. Then a few weeks ago I took a long hard look at myself in the mirror. I've gained quite a bit of weight...my first sign that something is not right. I don't feel like going anywhere or doing anything, another sign that something is not right. I am homesick! I thought I'd dodged the bullet, but I haven't. Luckily I know I'll feel better eventually and until that time I will just keep on keepin on....I did do something for myself today...I bought a runners magazine. Running is something I started in St George and it helped bring me out of the funk...now that spring is FINALLY starting to arrive I think I can start running again. I have a good 8 week plan to start with and I am hoping to be able to run the half marathon in KC in October. Next year I hope to be able to run a marathon. I have much to be thankful for, my kids are healthy, my husband has a good job, we have many many blessings. I just need to remember that.

4 comments:

~Michelle Schafer said...

Sometimes it is hard to remember in your heart the things that your head knows.

It really helped me to talk the other day. My head is okay with all of this middle age stuff, but my heart is still young and feels hurt and rejected.

I felt a very fast attitude adjustment after our conversation. You are the best and I just love you! Even all the way to Nebraska.

THE PORTER FAMILY said...

I'm so sorry you feel homesick...that stinks. I think we've all felt that way. Just remember you can count on your ward to be your replacement family! I didn't know you were a runner...way to go!

Christine said...

Failing to plan is planning to fail. Girlfriend you have an awesome plan. One small step at a time and you will inch towards your running goals. We can't take good care of anyone until we take good care of ourselves. You have done it before and YOU WILL do it again. Let me know if you need anything or just want a pep talk. In this house right now we are on the fitness train and its full steam ahead. All the kids are taking fitness classes at the recreation center twice a week, plus Laurens playing soccer and Ryan is playing T-Ball. Jenny is such a HUGE help assisting us in getting everyone where they need to be. Wait till you see Jenny. She is looking GREAT! Well gotta run. Robert & I are going to a Martini Party given by our dear friends Dave & Stacey. You probably remember them. They lived next door to us and moved a few years ago. Ahhhh. Everyone moves eventually, right? Take care and keep your chin up.
Love,
Christine

Alison said...

Kim, I miss you so much. Remember doesn't kill you will make you stronger. I know for every prayer I have said to ask if I should go and the answer has been yes, there has always been a purpose. Yo need to find your own personal reason for being where you are. I have life long friends from each one of my moves through our the years, so just think of the friends you haven't met yet. Love ya.