The Sky is Falling

Okay...really it's not the sky, just my uterus.

Warning...this post contains personal info and perhaps WTMI (way too much info) for some .

So, about 2 months or so ago, I started having a problem going to the bathroom.  My pooper was no longer functioning properly, basically I'd try to go and felt as if I was hitting a barrier and nothing could come out.  I was embarrassed and didn't know what the heck was going on.  I kept this issue to myself for a couple weeks and then finally confided in a nurse at work.  Over the next couple days she told me some things to try and then she said she thought I might have a prolapsed uterus.  So, I went to see my gynecologist.  Yes indeed...I do have a prolapsed uterus (it's falling out) and what's called a Rectocele (the lining between my rectum and vagina has colapsed...explaining my lack of poo issues).  These things are most likely caused by all my pregnancies.   My gynecologist doesn't do surgery so she sent a different gyno in to see me and I was so happy to see that she is female! (I really like having a female Dr).  Dr Rutan came in, I got to have another pelvic exam (two for the price of one!) and she also did a biopsy of my uterus.  She told me she thinks I should have a hysterectomy and she could also repair my bladder (it's also falling out)...meaning no more having to cross my legs everytime I cough, laugh or sneeze!!  and she will repair the rectocele so I can go potty!  She sent me out to see a urologist to make sure my bladder was normal and not in need of specialized surgery to fix it.  So, I went to the urologist....he told me he needed to "get a lay of the land" so I was scheduled for a Cystoscopy....this is a lovely procedure where I got to lay on my back with my legs in stirrups and a tube was inserted in my urethra so the Dr could get a "lay of the land"....ends up my land is normal and Dr Rutan can perform the bladder lift on her own.  But Dr urologist decides I should go see a GI specialist because he doesn't think that  rectocele is big enough to be causing all my poop problems (or lack of said poop).....so off I went to see a GI Dr.  I did not like the GI Dr at all...I actually saw a Nurse Practitioner and she was okay....just not real sympathetic or empathetic.  She called the GI Doc and he decided I should have several very invasive tests.....the Nurse practitioner told me about the tests I would be having, I sat with a scheduler, got them all scheduled (colonoscopy scheduled for Christmas Eve)...barely made it to the van where I promptly burst into tears.  I basically cried the entire day long...I slept for four hours and cried some more...by the time I got to work my eyes looked distorted and swollen.  You see the colonoscopy would be the easy test I had to do....for drugs are involved in that one.  The first test coming my way was a Defagram.....this was the biggest cause of my anguish that day...I could not fathom having to do what is required for this test.  You see, a Defagram is performed after the tech shoots barium paste up your hiney and then you sit on potty seat and poo out the paste while the radiologist stands next to you watching you do it on xray.  Now, I'm a very open person....but my poop has always been my business and something I don't share with anyone....not even my husband....it's private and the thought of doing this business in front of someone else just completely mortified me....I honestly thought there would be no way I could do it....but I did.  I made it through and now I'm even sharing about it on my blog!  After this test Dr Rutan called me and asked me how things were going...I told her I was so unhappy with the GI office.  She suggested I go see a friend of hers, who is a colorectal surgeon.  So, I did and she was so awesome!!  Her name is Dr Krier and she is wonderful.  She is so sweet and kind and she went to school in Utah...which is a big plus in my book :).  She was able to get my colonscopy and the other test I needed to have done (an anorectal manometry)scheduled on the same day, Dec 6th...so much better than Christmas Eve.  So I prepared for the colonscopy the night before, I'm sure my colon has never been so clean!  I arrived at the hospital at 645 and was immediately ushered into a little room to change into a gown.  Next an IV was inserted into my hand and then Dr Krier was there.  She was so kind to me and the nurses.  I laid on my side and had the anorectal manometry first.  This test is performed with a small tube like instrument inserted into your hiney...there is a small balloon like thing on the end of it.  It's performed to test the muscles in your rectum.  You have to tighten and push and it's all very fast, somewhat uncomfortable and embarrassing.  I'm assuming no one likes to have objects up their bum, I know I don't.....but by this point my dignity is gone and I'm almost getting used to people probing my orifices (almost being the key word here).  After that test it was time for my colonoscopy....this is where the lovely versed came into play....that and fentanyl.  Versed is a drug that helps you "forget" and fentanyl is for pain.  These are the drugs that make a colonscopy bearable...you don't really remember it.  I did remember just a couple things.  I remember saying "ow ow ow that hurts" and someone saying "give her more fentanyl.  I remember saying that but I don't remember actually feeling it.  I also remember "waking" up to see my colon on the monitor and Dr Krier removing a polyp.  Then I was recovering and just felt somewhat tired and hungry (after all that fasting and flushing out).  Aaron took me home and I slept til 1pm and felt just fine after that.  A couple days later I met with Dr Krier and guess what!!!  My uterus is falling onto my rectum and making it just about impossible for me to go poo!!  So, I went through all of that to be told exactly what I was told in the first place!!  The one good thing out of all this is that the polyp removed from my colon was precancerous and had I waited til I was 50 to have a colonoscopy it very well could of become cancerous.  I also learned that I can make it through things that I never thought I could and live to tell about it.    Surgery is scheduled for December 27th (saving a lot of moola having it before the end of the year)...having my uterus removed, my bladder lifted and the rectocele repaired.  So, what's the moral to this story???  Don't have a lot of kids cause your uterus might fall out!  (just kidding....I would go through all this and more for my kidlins...love them more than they will ever know.)    OH...and do your Kegels!!!!! 

Honey Crisp Apples

Last year Aaron discovered Honey Crisp Apples.  They are easily my favorite apple...super crisp and juicy....never mushy and they are sweet, but not too sweet.  They are back in the grocery stores and I couldn't be happier....

Who needs Cable?

We don't have cable.  We do have Netflix and we recently signed up to try Huluplus.  I like Netflix because of the whole no commercial thing and being able to watch episodes of my favorite shows anytime I want to (which is usually late at night before I go to work and after kids are in bed).  But, Netflix doesn't have recent episodes and some of the movie choices are pretty lame.  So, now we have Huluplus.  I don't like the commercials and it seems that it has a hard time loading sometimes...maybe our internet isn't fast enough?  But I have discovered some fun shows...some of my favs are (some are on netflix and some are on hulu and some are on both).  I LOVE to watch Bones, Grimm, Warehouse 13, Once Upon a Time, The Office, and Modern Family.  I also LOVE Downton Abbey....I like watching the real forensic type documentaries.  I think if I could go back in time I might like to go into forensic type work of some kind...it's truly fascinating to me. Anyway, I love being able to stream in what I want to watch, when I want to watch it.  I can't even tell you the last time I watched the news...I have an app for that :-)  What would we do without technology?  I may have to watch Revolution to find out.
 What are some of your favorites shows?  (If anyone still reads my blog :)

Some Stuff

*We are gearing up for the opening night of The Hunchback of Notre Dame.  If you live in the Licoln area and would like some good inexpensive entertainment come to North Star Oct 4-5 at 7pm or Oct 6th at 230pm.  This will be the first year I don't have a kid onstage!  Megan is the assistant stage manager and Matthew is doing tech.  I know so many of the kids and there are many new ones too....so I'm looking forward to it.  I know both of my kids have had a great time preparing and the set is looking AMAZING!

*My life has been consumed with organizing all the meals the parents are serving the kids each night as they have late rehearsals.  We fed them for the first night last night and now just 8 to go.  Although I love being involved I do stress out about it....SURPRISE!  I always think "I should of taken some time off work for this" and once again, I'm thinking that...

*Aaron is busy with work and his calling at church.  He is now a High Priest and is one of the assistants to the High Priest Group Leader.  I have done my duty by pointing out that he is now officially old, believe me, I take that job quite seriously.  (tee hee).   

* Josh is really liking being in college and he is quite sure that he knows everything now.  He doesn't need to listen to his parents anymore.  I'm so glad we raised such a smart child. 

*Zack is taking a year off school and working full time.  He's still in Utah and I miss him so much.  He's working at Americas Best Contacts and Eyeglasses in Midvale.  So, if you need glasses go and visit him. 

*My house is the biggest mess and I just can't seem to keep up with it at all!  I'm having the hardest time right now with working....I just want to be a stay at home mom.  As far as work goes my job is interesting and I see things I never ever thought I'd see (working as a registrar in the ER overnight).  Sometimes it's funny and sometimes it's sad, sometimes it's boring and sometimes I'm in panic mode for hours.  But my heart belongs at home with my family.  I know I'm not the best mom I can be when I'm working and I have much guilt over that. 

*We recently introduced Hannah and Joe to one of our favorite movies, RAT RACE.  We all LOVE that movie!!  Hannah told me all about the guy with the marble stuck to his tongue and how he found a girl who had a marble stuck to her tongue too.  I love the innocence and let her think they were marbles and not piercings.  I had a complete hysterical (lack of sleep) laughing attack when Joe told me about the scene where the guy tells the bus driver about his wife having a baby.  (If you haven't seen RAT RACE, you should!). 

*I'm planning a trip to Utah in March.  I will be bringing Josh and his girlfriend Tori with me and hopefully bringing Zack back to stay with us in Nebraska for a few days.  I'm looking forward to it!  

Well, there's an update to what we've been up to lately.  I was reading through my blog the other day and I'm so glad I have so much "written" down.  I've been slacking in my blogging lately and reading past entries made me want to do better!

Latest Conversations

The missionaries were over for dinner and were about to leave after they gave us a spiritual thought.....
Joe:   (to the missionaries) Can you keep a secret?
Me:  (thinking in my head)....NOOOOOO!
Joe:  My talent is wetting the bed.
Where does he get this stuff????

Hannah is LOVING the Harry Potter movies and watches them often (we have all of them).  She was watching the last one the other night....

Hannah:  (after a big sigh).... Joe, we are muggles.....I know alot about muggles because I am one.
about 45 min later....
Hannah: Mom, I'm really a wizard (said with a dead serious face) and when I turn 11 I'm going to Hogwarts
Me:  You know Harry Potter is just pretend right?
Hannah: (just a glare...no words).

Whipped?

Tonight Josh told me he was leaving out the door because Tori called and wanted him to go to a zumba class with her.  Tori is his girlfriend.  I laughed right out loud and begged him to let me come to watch!  I would seriously pay money to see Josh in a zumba class!  I called Zack later and told him about it and he said "that boy is whipped."  I think he's just sweet....what do you think?

The first day of school

The first day of school went off without a hitch.  Everyone was up and ready and smiling.....I wonder how long this can last?  Joe is in 3rd grade and Hannah is in 1st.  Matthew started high school, he's in 9th grade.  Megan actually started school the day after this one but went to school to help with freshman day and is now in 11th grade.  I had a lovely first day of school.......I was finally able to wake Josh at around 945.  Josh starts college next week.  Anyway, we ran some errands and then went to lunch.  I had a coupon for a free meal at Noodles :)  It was nice spending that time with him...he's growing up.  All in all it was a wonderful first day of school.

ahhhh look how loving......remember, looks can be deceiving.  

Matthew is actually smiling a cute smile and not some crazy face...it's a first day of school miracle.

Just waiting to go in her classroom.....funny little side note, the little girl standing in the picture was crying because she wanted her mom.  I have to say that NONE of my kids have cried or wanted me to stay with them on the first day of school....I don't know if this is a compliment to me or not.

He's ready for a new year.

Funniest Conversation of the morning:

Me: Get your backpack

Matthew: I don't need it, I have nothing to bring, it's the first day of school.

Me: You will get things to bring home, get your backpack!

Matthew: I will just get papers and I can put those in my pockets.

Megan:  The kids who fold up papers and put them in their pockets are the kids who fail.

Me: BACKPACK!!

some stuff

*I took three days off from work.  I'm feeling majorly burned out at work.  There is a lot of contention going on there and although a lot of it doesn't affect me directly it's still taking it's toll.  I feel so badly for my coworkers who are having to deal with the fall out of just a couple workers who refuse to do their jobs.  I feel frustrated that our boss does nothing to remedy this situation.  It really makes it so much harder to have to work...in my heart of hearts I want to be a stay at home mom and feel like working is ruining my mothering.  I don't know how to fix this.

*We've had three birthdays in the last while.  Matthew turned 14, Josh turned 18 and I turned 43.  I only took pictures of Matthew...I have slacked miserably in the picture department lately....I need to make a commitment to be better with that!  

*My nephew Zane stayed with us for over a month.  We always love having him and are so sad when it's time for him to go home.  I feel bad that we don't have the money to do more things when he's here....but my sister assures me that he has a good time anyway.

*School starts tomorrow.....although I like the freedom of having the kids home for the summer I know they are all ready to go back.  Josh starts college next week.  Megan is a junior now and Matthew is a freshman and will start high school!  Here's a very cool thing I learned yesterday.  They will be doing an early morning Seminary class at my kids high school!!  This is the best news!!  Aaron (because I'm at work) has to take them to the church, pick them up from the church and then take them to school...now he can just get up and take them to the school and be done with it, it's a huge load off him in the mornings....plus, it's easier for the kids too. Seminary for us starts at 6am.  Both Megan and Matthew have early morning classes so this works out so well for them.  Joe will start third grade and Hannah will start 1st grade.  They both got teachers they wanted.  Joe will have his second grade teacher as she moved up to 3rd and Hannah will have the same teacher Joe had for first grade...they are both thrilled and so am I.  

*I still struggle to make Nebraska my home.  I miss my family and friends so much and I miss my old life.  I need to move forward now that it's been 4 1/2 years.  I know in my heart that going back wont' fix my problems...in so many ways my life has just not turned out as I hoped it would....I'm struggling to get over that and be thankful for what I do have.  But, I'm trying....

For your viewing pleasure!

I found this picture the other day and could not stop laughing!  This was taken on a ride at Disneylands California Adventure....Megan and Matthew were so scared and just as I laugh looking at this picture, I was laughing when I was taking it too....I am an evil mother.

Some words about medicating children

Joe has been doing so well..so much better than last year...I'm so pleased and I know he's feeling so much better and is so much happier!!  It's truly amazing, he is a different boy.  So much of this is due to FINALLY figuring out the real issue for him...a change in medication and BAM!!  He is fun to be around and truly able to enjoy his life!  I am one who thought ADD and ADHD were so overly diagnosed and never thought I would approve MY children being on medication.  Well, I think sometimes Life likes to play tricks on people....giving them the challenges they are the most judgmental about.  Matthew was diagnosed with ADHD when he was in second grade.  He was on medication until Jr High.  For him the benifits outweighed the side affects...though we realized the terrible temper tantrums and his sudden anger were probably due to the medication...wish I'd have been smart enough to realize that!  But medication for him meant he could actually do his school work, without it he would daydream the day away and get absolutely NOTHING done.  Well, lucky for him (and for us) we stopped medication during the summer before Jr High and he was so much more happy and so much less apt to "lose it".  We decided to try school without it.  He struggles, especially with homework, but, he manages.  After having the first three do so well in school it's hard for me to see those C's and even D's a couple times on the report card but...his happiness is worth it.  Now Joe....he was also diagnosed with ADHD and with ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) in kindergarten.  That first year of school was seriously one of the most stressful times for me.  I really felt like a failure...my son could not sit with the other kids and was constantly in trouble.  The principal even threatened to suspend him (kindergarten!!).  He would get so violent and would be so angry ALL the time at school.  We went to counseling where I would basically feel that the counselor was trying to teach me how to parent...again feelings of failure.  In first grade we moved to a new school.  It was the greatest year...this school is so much more equiped to work with kids with behavior issues.  It was a better year all around.  2nd grade was a nightmare year.  Joe was back to being in trouble ALL the time.....but this time I felt the school was trying  hard to HELP him learn to cope and learn better reactions.  But, it was still so hard.....then we had a break through with our psychiatrist!!  I was explaining to him that the things that would set Joe off into a raging HULK anger outburst were mostly when other kids were not doing the things Joe thought they ought to do...if they were not where they were supposed to be, if they were not following the rules, if they were doing anything at all he found out of "order" he would have a complete break down....He was constantly upset with others, so you can see how being in a classroom of 7-8 year olds could be very hard for him.  I could actually SEE something click in Dr Bob's head....he said "so many times kids are diagnosed with ADHD, but that may not be the problem at all".  He told me he thought Joe suffered from OCD and Anxiety issues....we changed his medication and it literally was overnight!!  He is not "cured" but he is happy more than he is not when it used to be the other way around.  He is learning to cope with his "need" to find order where there sometimes is none.  It's interesting how I can now see some of these issues of his now that his anger is controled......like the time Hannah was wearing a dress she usually wears to church and he could not get past the fact that it was a church dress and we were not going to church.  I ask him if this really affects him in anyway and he can sit back and think and realize it's going to be okay if she wears a "church" dress on a weekday.  I've ended up going on and on and on here but it's been on my mind so much......and then tonight at a Relief Society meeting one of the older sisters in our Ward (church) came up to me and said " I saw your cute little redheaded son the other day at the childrens museum".  She told me how he came up to her and said "hey, I know you!  You go to my church!".  She told me how she asked him if he was there with his family and he told her he was there with his daycare.  She then said "He gave me a big hug!  It made my entire week and made me feel so good!!!  I just wanted you to know that."  My heart felt so full of love for that boy!!  It's those times, those moments, when I think "he's going to be okay!"

Conversations

Joe:  Do I have a double chin?

Me: Nope

Joe: Oh good, I don't want a double chin.

Me:  Do I have a double chin?

Joe: (while looking very carefully at my face) Yep!

Our Trip to Utah.....It was a surprise!

We planned a surprise trip to Utah.  My sister has surprised us so many times and it was about time for her to have the tables turned!  Here is our trip in pictures.....

Joe slept most of the time.

Hannah watching a movie...look at that intense face!

The sun looked so cool!  

What Megan did most of the trip....thanks to Grandma Kay for the laptop!

We only stopped to eat once on the way....we had lots of snacks in the van.

My cute girl!

Joe would not be in any of the pictures but insisted on this one.

After surprising Jenny and Grandma Jo we went to Golden Coral...Hannah two fisted it with the drumsticks.

Grandma Jo and Jenny have a pool!!  Hannah wanted to be in it at all times....

Joe and Matthew having a grand time!

Megan having fun at Sephora

Zacky!!

We had so so much fun at the Murray Schafers!....Joe and Barrett

Hannah and her favorite cousin

Megan is so glad I'm taking pictures.

Joe and Barrett hamming it up for the camera

Elizabeth showing her skills

Zack can do it too!

smile!!  Zack, Elizabeth, Michelle, Stephanie and Megan

Group picture!

buds!

The morning we were set to leave I found this....they are both asleep.

How one can sleep in this position is beyond me.

oh mountains, how I will miss you!

Zack and Megan goofing off

Oh Zack!!  You are sooooo funny!

Joe and Hannah with their cousin, Ryan. 

Cousins Amy and Zane with Matthew and Megan

Zane and Matthew...we LOVE Zanes haircut!!

OH YEAH!!  Cousins are awesome!!

Lauren joining in on the  group picture...

Lauren and Hannah

It's always so hard to say good bye.....my son, I already miss you a ton!

Good bye beautiful mountains.....

Yay!!!  Zane is coming home with us!!

Back in Nebraska....no mountains as far as one can see....but beautiful green!

My van, in great need of a bath!

Toothless

And the award for most uncooperative photo subject goes to......

Two Graduations and a Party

It's been a crazy busy week.  First off Grandma and Grandpa Schafer came for Josh's graduation.  They've been here for five days and it's actually been pleasant....I mean, no fights, which is a miracle!  LOL!  They leave for Utah tomorrow and they will be taking Matthew with them.  I'm not sure how he'll get home or when but we'll figure it out.
  So, speaking of Matthew he graduated from Middle School....he will not be a freshman in high school in the fall.....can't believe my little Chewey is growing up!!!
 We also had a big graduation party for Josh last night.  I was extremely worried about the weather and was just hoping and praying for no rain....which I must say thanks because it didn't rain.....now it was windy and a bit chilly but no rain!!  Yay!  We had Josh's party at Mohoney Park,  and it was a great turn out.  So many friends came and we are so thankful.  I had lots of help from Aaron (of coarse) and Josh's girlfriend, Tori,  Megan and my friend Marcia.  When we got home my mouth hurt from smiling....which, I think, is a very good thing!

Tonight Josh graduated and it was wonderful!!!!  I am so happy to say I am the mother of two high school graduates!  I have four more to get there but I'm a third of the way there.  I did not graduate from high school so it means so much to me to get my kids there!  I'm so proud of all of my kids and love watching them grow and learn.  At times it's not easy but it's always worth it!  

 Matthew and his friend Hunter with their 8th grade graduation certificates.  How do like those outfits....

 Now a nice pose for the moms.

 The cake turned out so nice (thanks Sam's Club) and it's a good thing I got a picture because I didn't get a piece of it....it was GONE!

 Josh with Lauren and Lainey

 I nice punch in the face!

 My AJ got in this picture so Josh could be surrounded by AJs.  

 Josh with some of his besties.

 Hannah met a new best friend at the park and invited her on over some cake.

 Josh with Tori and her family.

 Josh and Tori

 I swear I tried to get a good picture of my inlaws and this is the best I could get....that's Bishop Flack with his wife Judy in the picture too. 

 Everyone checking out the "shrine"....I forgot to take a picture of the shrine!!  

 Josh with Tori, Marissa, John and another friend, I don't know his name :( 

 Josh with his good friend Benes pronounced BEANS...his first name is Matthew but we all call him by his last name which is really pronounced BENNISH but is spelled BENES, hence the nickname Beans.  

 Josh and some of his besties.

 A bro pic

 Josh and Tori....she was freezing and I was glad we had a blanket for her.

 Josh was in love with this baby...she was pretty stinkin cute!  

 My baby boy is graduating!!  

A look to the future and it's lookin pretty bright~

 Joshua Aaron Schafer 2012 Graduate!

Josh with Grandma and Grandpa...finally a good picture of them!!  

Tori and Josh

Josh and his momma!!  Couldn't be more proud!! 

Josh with his best friends David and Austin

Proud Mom and Dad...what a beautiful moment!!