Friday, October 8, 2010

Lately

I haven't felt much like writing....life is just feeling so stressful to me and I feel like I'm failing in my mom duties. Working full time is hard....I miss just being a housewife and mother. I think my kids miss it too. I sometimes wonder if all this hullabaloo with Joseph is because of me, because I don't spend enough time with him. Hannah is so attached to me lately and anytime I leave the house without her when she's home (or awake) she clings to me and has to be pryed from my leg....it truly makes me feel so bad. I often wonder if my teens get enough time with me. I miss my family and friends. I miss being in a place where I have so many to lean on in hard times. I have been hating that I can't give my kids trips to New York with their drama department, or pay for their college or buy them backpacks or give them gas money. I've been hating that we don't have a nice house or live in a nice neighborhood or have nice things. I have been so sick of all the struggling.....I've just been so tired....so weary from all the stress. Then I read this quote the other day......

At the center of our agency is the freedom to form a healthy attitude toward whatever circumstances we are placed in!

Elder Neal A Maxwell
(thanks Michelle...I read this in the book you sent me)

And that was a moment for me....one of those aha moments and it hit me that I needed to SNAP OUT OF IT! So, I'm going to try harder...I'm going to look for the good. I'm going to make a conscience effort to find happy moments and to laugh more. I'm going to be more friendly and stop isolating myself so much. I'm going to remember that "this too shall pass". I'm going to take more pictures and play more with my kids. I'm going to try my hardest to be "in the moment" and stop worrying so much....about the "what ifs". Life is hard but there's no reason why it can't be wonderful too.......

4 comments:

Julie said...

Oh, my friend, I hear you. It's so hard when your kids wonder why they can't have the things their friends do. I KNOW! I love that quote and am going to put it on the wall. Such a good reminder. Have a great day! I love you!

Jonathan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Susan said...

Very nice post. I have often felt the same, but to be completely honest...I don't feel like that so much anymore.
I really love my house. It's not decorated really beautifully and professional like some other people's houses that I know, but I feel very comfortable and happy in my home.
Maybe the trick is just making the time that you do have together count.
That quote that you said...."This too shall pass"....I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. It was my grandmother's favorite thing to say to me. Do you remember my grammy? I can just hear her saying it now.

Michelle S. said...

I love you! I am thinking about you!! You are SUCH a wonderful mother and wife!!

Hang in there, baby! All this hard stuff will become a strength to you!