Thursday, March 18, 2010

Love


When Joe was born I was the happiest mom ever, I think. After three miscarriages....he was just such a wanted baby. How fun it was to have a baby around again. All the kids adored him and he brought joy to our home. He had so many helping hands...especially Josh. Josh changed diapers, even poopy ones and gave him baths and taught him his colors and read to him and many other things. I always knew he was kind of a high strung guy.....but this never seemed to be too much of a problem, in fact sometimes it was kinda funny. He loved to jump and run around from the time he took his first steps. He loves super heroes and many a time that boy has "become" the Hulk by ripping his shirt off (this was especially uncomfortable at Church). I'll never forget the look on his Dr's face the time he stood up on the examining table and leaped 3 feet into the Dr's arms, I have never seen any one look so shocked. Joe was so excited to start school. We went to orientation and I told his teacher he would give her a run for her money. Boy, if I only knew what was in store....what a heart wrenching few months this has been. I have felt every emotion, I think. Joe is so smart and is learning so much so fast. He is also having the hardest time of his short life and so am I (though my life is not as short :) ). I spend so much time wondering what I've done wrong. I think and think...am I too mean to him. Do I let him watch too many super hero movies? He struggles so much and it breaks my heart. He gets in trouble for hitting and for threatening to hit. He yells out in class all the time. He has trouble making and keeping friends. He is so impulsive and so so hyper. His moods are up and down and all over the place with no warning he can just get unbelievably mad and violent. He says mean and hurtful things. There is another side to him...so loving and so sweet. I love this boy with all my heart and I will never give up on him.....I will continue to work with him and try and teach him...I will continue to pray with him and for him. I will be there for him and do everything I can to help him learn how to cope with his emotions and impulses. He is my son.

7 comments:

Susan said...

Kim, this is not about what you've "done wrong" at all. This is about a child that is just as much an individual as any other child. Okay, so he doesn't fall into the cookie cutter child pattern. He's still the same loveable and sometimes difficult boy you know him to be. What changes is how we have to help them. Our kiddos don't always stay on the same path. Their ways of thinking, learning, expressing, coping and dealing with things change and that's when we have to say, "okay, what worked before doesn't work now". You do the best you can do and get as much extra help as you can with other resources. I know what you're going through. It's a tough and sometimes painful road, but you'll get through it. Hang in there.
Love ya

Lia said...

Wow, isn't it funny, we fall in love, get married and get our first dose of reality. Then we have babies, they're so beautiful and we fall in love with them (good thing they're so stinking cute for so long!!) and we do our best for them. The conclusion I have come to? They are mine to help, to teach, to love and to guide. I can do my best, but ultimately this life was not meant to be easy. Joe and his family must have a lot of blessings in store for them, for a loving HF to entrust such trials to him and his mom. He trusts you and would only allow you to endure the trials that you are strong enough to handle. Remember that one truth, it's gotten me through many a trying time. I know your heart must hurt. Just know that you will be made stronger, there will be no moment in your life that you can't meet and over come.

Now, have you tried duct tape?! JK!!!

Sarah said...

Kim I have and am still going through the EXACT same thing with Braydon. I know what you are going through I have spent many many days crying and stressing over what I have done wrong, Nothing and neither have you, thats just how they are. there is a book called "raising your spirited child" my relief society pres. gave to me. it might be good reading for you, I know it has helped me. the book, I swear was written about braydon. If I can help in anyway, I would love to be a listening ear. It helps to hear that your not alone and believe me I have been through it all with Braydon

Kim said...

Thanks to my lovely friends....many of you know I've dealt with some of this with Matthew...but never ever has Matthew been in trouble at school like Joe has...it's seriously disturbing. We are hanging in there it's just nice to share sometimes...I need to share sometimes...what can I say, I'm a sharer!

Cindy said...

Kim, I am so sorry. I know you are struggling with this trial. Although I haven't experienced this with my kiddos, I agree with what your friends said above. Heavenly Father does trust us and our childre, His children we are to teach, love, and guide. When we have done our best, we have to turn it all back to Him.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going! I am rooting for you!

Love,
Cindy

Sarah said...

Hey Kim. my email address is csburnetts4@gmail.com email me I hope I can be of help since what you have said about Joe has been my life for the last 9 years with braydon. I have come to know the Principal at his school all too well. lol

J and M said...

Kim,
Have you taken him to a pediatric occupational therapist for an eval? Many of these kiddos have OT issues and they make the kids bodies not work right (nervous systems) and so they compound ADHD type. It has SAVED us with ellie. We still have rough days, but I feel less like flailing now......(well sometimes less like flailing).