High Creek Trail and some of my thoughts

I miss writing on my blog. 

So many times when I am out trail running and hiking I am thinking of my kids and what I want to pass on to/for them. I worry about them and cheer for them and want them to find happiness and purpose. There is just so much negativity and confusion in the world. There are horrible atrocities and unfairness. I hope that in spite of this they are able to find peace. 

My peace is found in nature. I love being able to get out and enjoy the mountains. It is my happy place. 

Since moving to Logan 5.5 years ago I have been on so many adventures. I have had great times with friends and with my sweet dog, Bailey. 

Lately, I have let myself fall into previous unhealthy habits. I am trying to give myself grace and be thankful for this body that can still go on adventures, just not as fast. I know I will feel better if I eat healthy foods. Knowing and doing is proving to be difficult. I want to spend time writing my thoughts on this blog, which is truly a journal. I love that I have so many memories recorded from our time in Nebraska. Now I want to start documenting again. It's not for anyone but me at this point, but maybe someday my kids will read it and know my thoughts and feelings. 

All of these pictures are from yesterday when my friend Elli (from Nursing school) and I went up High Creek Trail. It's a trail that starts in Richmond and goes up to connect with Cherry Peak and Tony Grove areas. It's so pretty with wildflowers galore. Bailey came too. She loves the mountains as much as I do. It was so pretty. I really started to feel kind of cruddy at the top. I had to sit down and eat something and then I felt better. I tried to run down but I'm afraid I did way more walking than running. I think Elli was bummed as she is just getting into trail running. I have put on so much weight in the past few years. When we moved to Logan I weighed 150 lbs and now I'm up to 186. I am sad that I've let myself get to this. I know how to fix it but for some reason, I just can't get on track. I can tell that the extra weight is hard on my body. My knees hurt and my hips hurt after a long hike/run. I'm hoping that keeping this blog/journal will help me explore and remedy some of my issues. In the meantime here are some pictures from yesterday. We live in a beautiful place. 

 

Today is my Matthew's 24th birthday. I love him so much. He and Zane came up last night and I made dinner and baked a cake to celebrate him. It's a very long time since I made dinner or baked anything. Matthew also got to meet his niece, Salem. It was a nice night.

 

Running!

It's been a long long time!  So much has gone on and I don't even know where to start.

I think I'll just write a little about my love of running.  A little over 2 years ago I decided it was time to get in shape.  I was tired of feeling overweight and tired all the time...so I finally did something about it.  I started eating more healthy, whole foods and I started working out.  After about a year of this I was able to get down to my goal weight and then needed a new goal.  So, I decided I'd like to run a half marathon.  And that's when my love of running started.  It has become a seriously wonderful stress relief in my life to go out for a run.  I've run a couple 5ks, several 10ks, 2 half marathons and even ran a 50 mile ultra marathon last Feb.  It was so hard but also so awesome!  Right now I'm training for a marathon that will take place next month in Hebron, Nebraska.  I'm excited for it and nervous too.  So, running is a big part of my life right now....

I have so much more to share.  Josh is getting married next month, Megan and Zack are still living in Utah, Matthew graduated and moved out and so much more....

It's been a long time

I've been reading through my blog and Oh how I miss writing in it and how thankful I feel to have so much written down from our time here in Nebraska.  So many things I'd forgotten til I read them.  It's truly a journal for our family...some day my kids might really appreciate that I took the time to write things down. So, I'm going to try and be more proactive in writing.

So much has been happening this past year and a half.  Megan moved to Utah.  Zack is still living in Utah.  Josh moved back home and now has moved out and is getting married next year to a lovely woman named Laura Lynn.  Matthew is a Senior in high school and has a cute girlfriend named Abby.  Joe started middle school and Hannah is now in 4th grade.  Aaron started working for Fed Ex.  I started working out and eating healthy and lost almost 70 lbs.  It's been a busy time around here.  I will try and write more later, but right now I'm at work.....need to get back to it.

May and June Happenings

 Our family made a trip to Utah recently.  Megan graduated and moved to live there with my sister, Jenny, and my Aunt Jo.  So we all drove out to bring her there.  I flew home after a week. Joe and Hannah, are still  in Utah staying with my sister and Aunt.  I miss them so much but it's also been so relaxing not having little ones running around.  I've actually been pretty lazy about housework, gotten so much more sleep than usual and not had to listen to nearly as much fighting.  All that being said I'm so ready for them to come home.  I talk to them on the phone often but it's not the same as the snuggles I get when they are home. They will be there for another week and a half and then I will meet Jenny and my Aunt Jo (and Hannah and Joe, of coarse) in Cheyenne to take them home.  Matthew also stayed longer than I did, he came home a week after I did.  Aaron and Josh were the first to get home, staying only four days before making the long drive home.  So we had a week at home with just Josh there, then Matthew came home overnight and left the next morning for Scout Camp.  He's been home since Saturday.

Matthew got his braces off on Monday.  He tells me he misses his crooked teeth and that he's never going to be thankful he had braces....I doubt this very seriously.  Someday he will thank me for "making" him have braces.   He leaves today for Youth Conference (LDS thing).  I hope he has a good time and good things happen for him there.

Josh is getting ready for Pinewood Bowl's performance of "Shrek the Musical".  Josh is playing one of the 3 little pigs.  I'm glad he's doing something he loves.  The sister missionaries have been coming over to see him and actually got him to go to church on Sunday.  He only came for Sacrament meeting...at least it's something.

It was so good to see Zack while we were in Utah.....I miss him so much.  He's lost so much weight and looks so great.  I do still worry about him....I know he's an "adult" now but he's still my son and I'm still his mom and I just want him to be happy and make good choices....some things never change.  LOL.

I also LOVED seeing the "Murray Schafers" and Aaron's parents and of coarse my sister, nephew and Aunt.  I also got to see a few of my close friends (love my girlfriends!)  I miss living in Utah so much.  Aaron keeps saying we are moving back when Matthew finishes High School...but I don't see how we will be able to......I guess I just need to have faith.

I'm still absolutely loving my calling as the Nursery Leader at church.  I've been in there for over a year now and wonder how long they will keep me there....I hope they forget I'm there and just leave me there for a long long time!  I love those littles...it's so nice to get my "baby" fix.  I'm sad because several of the families in our ward have finished school and are moving on to other places for jobs.  I had to say good bye to 4 of our little ones on Sunday...it's very sad.

I've decided to try once again to get into shape and be more healthy.  I've actually been to the gym alot the last week and a half and have loved being there.  I'm eating better too.  Josh is also working out and we've both lost a little weight.  Me 4 lbs and Josh 6 lbs.  It's a start and I'll take it.  I know it will take some time to get back to where I would like to be.  I really don't want a perfect body, just a happier healthier one.  I want to feel good in my skin.  I want to be able to sit down and not look down to see 2 or three rolls on my tummy.  I really want to be able to go the thrift store and be able to try on all the cute clothes I see....that are all too small for me now.  LOL.

Matthew without braces!

Josh, Aaron  and I have gone out  soooo much with it being just us.  This was a trip to get frozen yogurt. 

Murphy misses his mama (Megan) so much.  He's always lazy...but he's had some anxiety issues that I'm sure are due to our missing family members...hopefully once the little ones are home he will get to feeling better. 

I'm sure missing these two...it's so hard for moms when kids grow up and don't need us as much....at least it's hard for this mom. 

My daughter graduated!  I'm just really proud of this girl and all she's accomplished so far in her life.  I know she will go far and achieve her goals. 

Love her!

Growing up and Moving out

I'm feeling like my blog needs a makeover.  I am sad that I don't write as much as I used to.  This is my family journal and I'm seriously slacking here!  I've been feeling pretty down in the dumps lately, so I just don't feel like writing....hopefully this nice Spring weather and all the green will help me feel better.

Megan is graduating in 22 days!  I just can't believe I'll have another one graduated!  I'm half way there, 3 down and 3 to go!  LOL.  She is pretty excited and I'm feeling stressed about getting our home ready for her graduation party.  I worry about it not being a nice big home and I worry about my lack of decorating ability.  People tell me no one cares about what our home looks like, but I care.  Anyway, I'm sure we'll get it clean and ready for her celebration. 

After graduation, I mean like the week after, Megan's moving to Utah.  I have many mixed emotions about this.  I'm so happy for her.  I'm a bit jealous that she gets to move to Utah.  I'm a bit sad, cause even though we butt heads a lot I am really going to miss her.  She's going to live with my sister and my aunt...also a bit jealous  about this.  I miss my sister so much!!  You would think after 6 years I wouldn't be so homesick, but I still am.  So, anyway, I'm really proud of Megan.....she's such a strong woman and I admire her in so many ways. She's so independent and when she wants something she works hard to get it.  She is going to live in Utah for a year to get residency and then she plans to move down to St George and go to Dixie State.  She's had this goal since we moved to Lincoln.  It's my hope for her that she will love being on her own (well, with my family).  That she will grow in many ways.  I hope she stays true to her self and true to the Lord.

Our whole family is coming out when Megan moves to Utah.  I'm excited for that too.  I miss all my family and friends there, I miss the mountains too.  I'm excited for our trip.  I'm especially excited to see Zack!  He's so busy and I hardly ever get to talk to him.  I miss him so terribly...more than I can say.

So, that's about it....I'm working on getting undepressed....Megan's graduating and moving....and we're planning our family trip to Utah. 

Update in Pictures...in random order :)

I fell down the stairs last week.  I had just woke up from a nap and wasn't quite awake.  It was rather shocking to find myself at the bottom of the stairs when I had just been at the top.  I sat on the floor for several minutes while Aaron told me just get up and "walk it off".....compassion is not his strong suit.  Anyway, this bruise is on the top of my thigh on the side/back of my leg just below my bum.  I also have a nasty bruise on my arm just below my elbow.  I guess I just feel glad I didn't break my hip....I am getting up there in age :)

Joe wearing a few of my buttons.  I have quite a collection now!  I try to order buttons every time my kids do a show. 

On the first day of Spring Break I took the kids to have lunch (and a treat) at Sam's Club.  It was fun.  Megan was there too, she just wasn't in the picture.  Matthew got to go to California where he did not take any pictures of his adventures :( 

This picture was taken at the Friday night show of Beauty and the Beast.  There were so many people there that it took like 20 minutes for everyone to be able to get out of the auditorium!

My dad is famous now.  His name is the first one under the Castle Level on this banner.  He donated a very generous amount to North Star Theatre's production of Beauty and the Beast.  He's super cool like that!

So, I always knew I wanted to try having really short hair at some point when I grew older  It came a little sooner than I planned but now that I have it I think I'm going to keep it like this.  It's soooooo easy to do and I never have to worry about it getting messed up in the wind or having to use a flatiron.  It's awesome!  Maybe I will let it go the natural gray that it is.....but not yet...not ready for that yet! 

On Valentines Day I came out from work to find that my van had been given a heart attack.  It was hard to get good pics but there were streamers hanging down from the ceiling and stickers everywhere.  Thanks honey!  It's nice when that romantic part of you comes out to play. 

feeling loved on Valentines Day

Beauty and the Beast was the last show for Megan's High School theatre career.  She was the stage manager and did an awesome job!  She is a very talented actress and I'm really glad I got to see her in a couple really fun roles (the principal in Grease and Mrs Gloop in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory) but her true love is being bossy....she's really good at it.  She gets lots of practice at home.  :)  She is planning to move to Utah right after she graduates.  I'm going to miss her....but I don't think she will miss me, she's too excited to be out on her own. 

One of the very fun things the North Star kids did for a fund raiser is have a tea party before the Saturday Matinee of Beauty and the Beast.  Hannah was so super excited that she got to participate in this.  She got her picture taken with Belle and the Beast and then had tea (lemonade) and cupcakes with all the characters.  She also made a tiny tea cup, which you can see in the next picture and she got a light up rose to turn on during the last song in the play.  It was really fun!

Josh came to see the last show.  He also auditioned for the show at Pinewood Bowl (they are doing Shrek the Musical this summer).  He got a call back and the part of Shrek was between him and two other men and even though he thought he wouldn't do the show if he didn't get the part of Shrek he decided to accept the part of one of the three little pigs.  I'm super excited that he will be living at home this summer while he works and does the play. 

I really wanted a good pic of the kids all looking at the camera and all having cute faces.....Megan was not cooperating and then a couple of her friends photo bombed. 

Hannah is super proud of her teacup. We could not find Matthew anywhere to be in these pictures.  We found out later that he was up on the catwalk which is where he was during all of the performances of the plays, he was in charge of the flies...he really likes doing tech for theatre. 

Zacharoni

It's Funny how kids are born and right away you can see little pieces of their personalities.   I have so many funny memories of Zack.  He loved doors!  I mean he had an obsession with opening them and then closing them.  Cupboard doors and doors to rooms.  When he figured out how to open the sliding glass door he would constantly open it...wave goodbye to me, go outside, close it and then start the whole process over and over again.  This was a precursor to his naturally curious nature....always wondering what's "behind the door".  Later on..when he could talk he would constantly ask questions...so many!!  I would always try to answer them, he really wanted to know pretty much everything.  His favorite thing to say was "cause why" before every question.  I can remember his Aunt Michelle driving him home from one of family camping trips and she couldn't believe all the questions he asked all the way home.  I still find myself saying "cause why" before I ask a question, it became a staple in our family language.  

I can also remember him interacting with his cousin, Stephanie.  He would take a toy she was playing with just so he could watch her react.  He didn't even really want the toy...he just wanted to see the "show".  She would get so mad....her whole body would shake....he usually would end up getting hit or bit but apparently this was worth seeing the "show".  He didn't really do things until he was pretty sure he knew he could do them....he would sit back and watch and then make a conscious choice to do things.  

I see these same things in him as an adult...yes, he's an adult now....it's so hard to put my head around that!  He's still curious.  He still likes to sit back and watch.  I think he still likes to get reactions from people and "watch the show".  He's probably one of the funniest people I know.  I can't even tell you how much I miss him.  He's in college now and lives three states away.  Sometimes I ache for those annoying questions and his cute red hair and that freckled face.  I miss all the times he wanted to hang out with me and listen to me gossip with my girlfriends.  I miss the times we had adult conversations before he was even an adult.  I can't tell you how much I miss those early mornings we did a paper route together and he made me laugh and laugh when he would run to the doors.  I miss his hugs that feel like a hug and a shove all at the same time.  I miss his laugh and his smile.  Sometimes it's so sad and yet so wonderful when kids grow up.  I'm so excited for him and what lays in store for him.  He's so talented and such an awesome person.  I'm so glad I'm his mom and always will be!  

With Aunt Michelle at Sweet Tomatoes

Ice Cream time at Ivanna Cone

Oldest and Youngest

My sweet boy

Joshy

We bought a leash for Josh when he was little.  We were going on a trip to Disneyland and I knew from a few experiences that he was a wanderer.  He never really thought of the consequences,  if something looked interesting he went off to explore.  He never seemed upset about being "lost". He'd look at me and say "oh hi mom...look what I found" as I stood there looking at him tears in my eyes and feeling absolute relief that I found him.  Too bad you can't put a leash on your "adult/teen" kids.  Well, I suppose you could but you might go to jail.  Anyway, I can remember the exact moment I realized I had lost complete control over what my teenagers do and say.  It was one of the sickest, most sinking feelings I've ever felt.  I knew "my say" was over and theirs had just begun.  I realize there are teens out there who do what their parents want and expect....I just haven't gotten any of those (yet....hopefully?)

So, Josh....I just can't tell you how much I enjoy his company.  He's a very sweet, very intelligent young man.  He's struggled this past year or so...and I think he's still struggling some, but not as much.  Just trying to figure himself out and what he wants in life.  He hasn't made the choices I would of made for him and guess what?  I still love him...I'm still proud of him and I'm still rooting for him!

He's going to school in Kearney Nebraska.  He's studying theatre performance at UNK.  He's a pretty talented actor, even though I'm bias he really is quite talented  :)

Aaron and I got to go out to Kearney and see him in a couple plays and that was pretty cool.  He's made some really good friends this year also.  I know next year he and some of his friends are hoping to move into a house and share the rent.  He is auditioning for a few different plays this summer, so we shall see if he gets any roles.

He's a pretty great guy...I love him dearly   

Megan

a cheesy selfie

Mrs Gloop and her mom

A picture taken at the DMV...she was annoyed with me :/

What can I say about Megan.  She's ready to get the heck out of Dodge and pretty much never misses an opportunity to tell me so.  She graduates this year and plans to move to Utah (insert jealous face here).  She's going to live with my sister for a year (again, insert jealous face here) and then move down to St George and go to school at Dixie State.  She's had this planned for years and I have no doubt she will accomplish this goal. 

There are many things I admire about Megan.  She's independent and sure of herself.  When she puts her mind to something she figures out a way to make it happen.  She's beautiful. 

She has had a great Senior year so far.  She is also a theatre junkie...my kids all love theatre.  She played Mrs Gloop in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and now she is stage manager for Beauty and the Beast...she also was the Stage Manager for North Stars One Act play.  She likes being on stage but I think organizing and bossing people around is her true calling.  She really likes that! 

She likes to wear flip flops all the time!!  She even wears them in the snow.  She does own closed toe shoes and wears them sometimes but her true love is being barefoot and flip flops are the next best thing. 
She saved up her money and bought a laptop (she loves playing on it).  She also went in on a car with her dad...he's using it right now but as soon as he finds one he wants and can afford she will have her own car. 

She goes to early morning Seminary and is the Pres of her Laurels class at Church.  She promises me she will get involved in Singles Ward while in Utah and I really hope she does. 

The one thing I hope for her...well, I hope many things for her, but the one thing I really really hope for her is that she will someday understand being compassionate.  She is so strong willed and minded that I think that's something she doesn't think is so important...I also really hope she will someday like me more.  I know many of my friends have these great and wonderful relationships with their daughters....I have really tried for that, but alas Megan thinks I've tried too hard and she pushes me away at every turn.  She and I do have fun together sometimes but most of the time I think she's just annoyed with me. 

I love her dearly and I'm very proud of her.